Mom Problems #5

Ok.  I try to keep these mom problems light and funny.  Silly things that happen only when you become a mom.  But today, this problem is serious.  It's one I have been struggling with for a while.  I've tried different ways to deal with it, but they don't seem to be working.  It's fear.  Fear that something, sometime, somewhere will happen to Gunnar.  

Now, I'm not talking about crazy, freak accidents that no one can control.  I'm talking about all the things the news bombards you with on a regular basis.  Kidnappings, murder, abuse, homelessness, hunger, and let's throw in ISIS too.  These things bothered me before I had a baby.  But now, hearing any story about something bad happening to a child, or a baby animal for that matter, makes me physically upset.  Like boarder line crying and hyperventilating.  It's really becoming a problem.  I have blocked a lot of things from my FB news feed, but things still slip in there.  I'm debating about getting rid of FB for a while.  

I don't watch or read the news any more.  I don't even go to the Yahoo main site because there is bad news right in your face the second you get on there.  I have decided the only way to keep my sanity is to become ignorant.  But, if you know me, that is near impossible for me to accomplish.  I like to be well informed but it's becoming crippling to be so.  I am angry at our government for not doing a better job.  I am angry at other governments for not doing a better job.  I am mad that I can't fight to protect my family the way I would like.  I am mad that I can't fight to protect ALL the children EVERYWHERE the way I would like.  

I know that the word needs to be spread about these things so that people can do something about it.  You can't change something if you don't know it needs to be changed.  I just can't seem to compartmentalize this horrible information in a way that doesn't eat at me.  A normal person would hear a terrible story, feel bad for maybe a day, lock that knowledge away and use it when they need to.  I hear a terrible story and I think about it for a week.  Its the last thing I see before I go to bed.  I think about how it could have been prevented.  I get angry that no one prevented it.  I get scared and angry that it will probably happen again.  

This problem I have makes it difficult to enjoy the time I have with Gunnar.  I try to be in the moment, but what if something happens and I no longer have these moments with him? How can I protect him from the bad people in the world, but let let him grow to be a part of the world?  Children are so innocent.  My brain does not have the ability to understand how someone could ever hurt a child.  I wish people were better.  I will never understand how people can have the capacity for such greatness and such evil.  

I pray that in the end, the bad people in the world will all answer for what they have done.  I do not know if God is vengeful, but I do hope there is justice.

Cheers.