Gunnar started daycare again yesterday. It has been four months since he was in daycare in Florida. I cried his first day there. He didn't seem to mind it that much. He was only four months old and still trying to figure things out. I think he liked daycare in Florida. The teachers were all impressed with how he did on his first day. He seemed to adjust quickly and settle into their routine. He was a happy baby and they loved having him in their class.
Fast forward to yesterday. His new daycare is very nice. His room is a good size and the head teacher has a lot of experience. But let's be real. None of that makes me feel good about dropping my baby boy off with strangers. And it didn't sit well with Gunnar either. He started crying when I left him to go fill out some paperwork and he didn't stop. He tried to play while I was there but he cried the whole time. I tried to sneak out but he figured that out almost instantly and started screaming. I heard him out in the hall. I heard him in the entry way. I looked in the window to his room and saw his teacher trying to comfort him. I turned on the car and headed to work. And cried the whole way. My co-workers in Florida told me that it never gets better, you just learn to deal with it more. That seems like a very dysfunctional way of doing something. Why would I want to learn to deal with something that hurts so bad?
Well, you do what you have to for your kids. And while I believe that being a stay-at-home-parent is an endangered profession in need of saving, I do value daycare as well. I living proof of the benefits of it. But that doesn't make it any easier to drive away from my baby when I know he is in pain.
I pray that the next day goes better. Because I'm not strong enough to keep this up...
Cheers
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