Still nauseous. Still exhausted. Bad skin, bad hair. And now I can add fat to the list. I look six months pregnant when I'm really only three. I don't think I should be showing this soon, which leads me to believe that I have over eaten trying to keep my nausea under control. So, I'd have to say that my "bump" is 80% over indulgence and 20% actual pregnancy. Which doesn't put me in the best mood. At first I was so excited to dress a baby bump. I had so many ideas. I saved clothes from my 20 lbs weight loss the summer of 2012 in the hopes of using them for a pregnancy and saving money. Now I'm just depressed. We tried to take my first bump picture today. That was a disaster. The house we currently rent sucks on so many levels and the latest one is lighting. We don't get any. Natural or artificial. It's due to the few windows we have, their placement, the angle of the house and the fact that there is NO overhead lighting in the house. It really blows. Most of my pregnancy will be in this house and it has now cheated me out of the fun belly pics I was looking forward to. Not that I would look good in them anyway. This organic shampoo does nothing for my hair. It is stringy and limp and flat. And I have no idea how to cut it. I really don't know how to do anything with it. It just sucks. I want to be able to document this process to look back on but I don't think that will happen. I'm afraid this will continue when the baby comes too. I take a lot of pics of Kevin and I feel his life will be remembered. And they are good pics too. I can't say the same for me. When my memory starts to go, I want to be able to look back at pictures. So where will mine be? Kevin doesn't take any of me, and the few he does manage to take I look like poop in. It sucks. I guess I've reached that downer part of pregnancy. I hope that my appointment this week will be better.
02/10/14
I took my first bump pic today at work in the bathroom. It's not fabulous by any means, but I liked the shirt that I wore and I liked my hair. I hope that I will figure out better bump pics in the future.
02/11/14
Appointment day! Finally. There was so much drama at work due to a late sample that I think I was almost outed myself about being pregnant. Instead, I got to teach the other girl that I work with that it's not my job to always be the one to stay late. I'm looking forward to her reaction when I finally tell my team that I'm pregnant...
It was a quick appointment today. I got to see the midwife that I like. I am thinking that I would like her to deliver our little bean when the time comes. My appointment pretty much when like this: pee in the cup, get weighed, blood pressure, go into the room and wait. When the midwife came in, she asked me how I was feeling. I told her good, that nothing had really changed. I asked if there was something I could do about my horrible skin and she recommended Neutragena products. Then she said "we got a lot of info from you from your first visit, so this one will be kinda boring. " I was kinda disappointed. I had waited so long for this appointment and I needed some sign that the baby was ok. Then she said, "but we'll listen for the heartbeat and that's exciting". Ok. Here we go. The moment I had been waiting for. We saw a heartbeat of 166 bpm at 7.5 weeks. What would be there today? She went on to do the whole don't-get-nervous-if-I-don't-find-it-right-away speal. I was already nervous, nothing was going to change that. She pushed my shirt up, squirted some gel on my tummy and took the Doppler wand and started moving around. I heard what sounded like riding in my Jeep on the freeway with the windows out. Really loud, but not significant. Then a few seconds later, there it was. My baby's heartbeat. The little one was still there, and going strong at 160 bpm. I asked why it had slowed down and she told me that it would slow down even more as I got more pregnant. Nothing to worry about. Kevin was smiling so big. I...am not sure what I felt. I thought that I would cry, but I didn't. Instead, the pesky scientist in me kicked in and I was fascinated. A heartbeat that isn't mine inside my body? Strange. I started thinking about all the other strange things that were probably happening in my body that I couldn't see. Kevin was kinda disappointed that I wasn't more excited, but I was in my own way. I'm still really nervous about losing this baby. Not sure when that will go away, but I hope it's soon. I've chosen to have the quad screening done for possible genetic diseases. This will happen at my next appointment. I think if that test goes well, then I may be able to relax. I spent almost a year testing people for various genetic disorders so I am well aware of all the things that are out there.
I left the doctor's office feeling relieved about the heartbeat, but nervous about the next step. I think this is how it's going to be until this little bean comes out.
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