Bump Diaries 1.13

02/09/14
Still nauseous.  Still exhausted.  Bad skin, bad hair.  And now I can add fat to the list.  I look six months pregnant when I'm really only three.  I don't think I should be showing this soon, which leads me to believe that I have over eaten trying to keep my nausea under control.  So, I'd have to say that my "bump" is 80% over indulgence and 20% actual pregnancy.  Which doesn't put me in the best mood.  At first I was so excited to dress a baby bump.  I had so many ideas.  I saved clothes from my 20 lbs weight loss the summer of 2012 in the hopes of using them for a pregnancy and saving money. Now I'm just depressed.  We tried to take my first bump picture today.  That was a disaster.  The house we currently rent sucks on so many levels and the latest one is lighting.  We don't get any.  Natural or artificial.  It's due to the few windows we have, their placement, the angle of the house and the fact that there is NO overhead lighting in the house.  It really blows.  Most of my pregnancy will be in this house and it has now cheated me out of the fun belly pics I was looking forward to.  Not that I would look good in them anyway.  This organic shampoo does nothing for my hair.  It is stringy and limp and flat.  And I have no idea how to cut it.  I really don't know how to do anything with it.  It just sucks.  I want to be able to document this process to look back on but I don't think that will happen.  I'm afraid this will continue when the baby comes too.  I take a lot of pics of Kevin and I feel his life will be remembered.  And they are good pics too.  I can't say the same for me.  When my memory starts to go, I want to be able to look back at pictures.  So where will mine be?  Kevin doesn't take any of me, and the few he does manage to take I look like poop in.  It sucks.  I guess I've reached that downer part of pregnancy.  I hope that my appointment this week will be better. 

02/10/14
I  took my first bump pic today at work in the bathroom.  It's not fabulous by any means, but I liked the shirt that I wore and I liked my hair.  I hope that I will figure out better bump pics in the future.

02/11/14
Appointment day!  Finally.  There was so much drama at work due to a late sample that I think I was almost outed myself about being pregnant.  Instead, I got to teach the other girl that I work with that it's not my job to always be the one to stay late.  I'm looking forward to her reaction when I finally tell my team that I'm pregnant...

It was a quick appointment today.  I got to see the midwife that I like.  I am thinking that I would like her to deliver our little bean when the time comes.  My appointment pretty much when like this:  pee in the cup, get weighed, blood pressure, go into the room and wait.  When the midwife came in, she asked me how I was feeling.  I told her good, that nothing had really changed.  I asked if there was something I could do about my horrible skin and she recommended Neutragena products.  Then she said "we got a lot of info from you from your first visit, so this one will be kinda boring. "  I was kinda disappointed.  I had waited so long for this appointment and I needed some sign that the baby was ok.  Then she said, "but we'll listen for the heartbeat and that's exciting".  Ok.  Here we go.  The moment I had been waiting for.  We saw a heartbeat of 166 bpm at 7.5 weeks.  What would be there today?  She went on to do the whole don't-get-nervous-if-I-don't-find-it-right-away speal.  I was already nervous, nothing was going to change that.  She pushed my shirt up, squirted some gel on my tummy and took the Doppler wand and started moving around.  I heard what sounded like riding in my Jeep on the freeway with the windows out.  Really loud, but not significant.  Then a few seconds later, there it was.  My baby's heartbeat.  The little one was still there, and going strong at 160 bpm.  I asked why it had slowed down and she told me that it would slow down even more as I got more pregnant.  Nothing to worry about.  Kevin was smiling so big.  I...am not sure what I felt.  I thought that I would cry, but I didn't.  Instead, the pesky scientist in me kicked in and I was fascinated.  A heartbeat that isn't mine inside my body?  Strange.  I started thinking about all the other strange things that were probably happening in my body that I couldn't see.  Kevin was kinda disappointed that I wasn't more excited, but I was in my own way.  I'm still really nervous about losing this baby.  Not sure when that will go away, but I hope it's soon.  I've chosen to have the quad screening done for possible genetic diseases.  This will happen at my next appointment.  I think if that test goes well, then I may be able to relax.  I spent almost a year testing people for various genetic disorders so I am well aware of all the things that are out there.  

I left the doctor's office feeling relieved about the heartbeat, but nervous about the next step.  I think this is how it's going to be until this little bean comes out. 

Bump Diaries 1.12

Made it to twelve weeks.  They say that if you get this far the chances of miscarriage decrease greatly.  I'm glad to have reached 12 weeks, but I'm not in that joyful pregnancy stage yet.  I'm still very worried about things.  Normally, you would go into your OBGYN and get your first ultrasound around 12 weeks.  Since I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks, they pushed my next appointment back.  I'll be going in again at almost 14 weeks.  The wait is killing me.  I want to know what's going on in there so badly.  I feel that if I can just hear the heartbeat, it will be proof that everything is going well and I can finally relax.  I'm kinda irritated that I'm not on the typical schedule for pregnant ladies.  I don't see why I have to wait longer just because I had an ultrasound earlier than most women.  

While this is usually the time when it is "safe" to start telling people, I'm still not ready to say anything.  I have told Kevin that we can tell our family and friends after we hear the heartbeat.  I hope we both can make it til then...

Bump Diaries 1.11

I found my maternity bin!!!  I am so excited.  It was like getting a whole new wardrobe...for free!  I'm so glad that I have borderline hoarding tendencies and saved my "fat clothes".  I've had a belly for as long as I can remember and over the years I've gotten pretty good at working with it.  But when we lost all that weight the summer of 2012, I lost most of my belly.  My clothes became more fitted instead of the flowing, hippie stuff I always used to wear.  You see, I'm very boho at heart.  ;)  The clothes I put aside for a possible pregnancy were things I still liked to wear, they just no longer flattered my smaller size.  But they would totally work for a growing baby bump.  When I was going through my closet to get rid of the unflattering clothes, I tested each piece for maternity by stuffing a pillow under it.  The strategy seemed to work because everything I put aside looks really cute with my tiny bump now, and most of it will work for a few more months too.  I'll get to be the stylish prego lady I always wanted to be and I'll save money.  Doesn't get any better than that!

Symptoms pretty much that same as they have been.  Getting kinda nervous/ excited about being able to tell people soon.

Bump Diaries 1.10

It's probably a little early, and I may be tempting fate, but we started a baby registry at Babies R Us this week.  The main reason I did it was because of a promotion with the registry,  Babies R Us was giving 10% of the purchases off the registry up to $200.  You get a gift card after the baby is born.  If you know me, you know I can't pass up a deal.  So, even though I thought it was too early to register, we did it anyway.  Hey, the deal expired on Jan. 31.  I had to get it on it now.  

We walked the store with the pricing gun.  But it was not like when we registered for our wedding.  We kinda just wondered around with these blank expressions on our faces.  I looked at stuff, but it took a little time for me to tell Kevin to scan something.  I had done some research before we got into the store on strollers and car seats, so we were able to play with my top two choices and see if they would work for us.  I also picked some bottles, a lounger and some first aid/ grooming supplies.  So far, our registry is kinda boring.  But if you're like me and judge people based on their registries, than go to town.  We're listed under Kevin and Amanda Schwemmin.

Still feeling nauseous and tired.  Getting dressed is becoming harder.  And I am very anxious to get to my next doctors appointment, where we will hear the heartbeat.

Bump Diaries 1.9

Still nauseous and exhausted.  Starting to think that might just be how this pregnancy is going to go.  It's becoming more difficult to find a good position to sleep in.  I'm surrounded by pillows because my boobs hurt so much.  Still craving Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell but trying to control it.   Went through all my clothes and packed away anything that didn't fit.  I'm having trouble fitting into my pants.  I have to do that trick with the hair tie around the button to keep them up.  Thought about getting a Belly Band but I just don't know.  Anyway.  I packed all my pre-pregnancy clothes away to make room for all the maternity things I have.  If I can track down the bin I put them in...

I put some clothes to the side to consign but I hope to one day fit in to most of the things again.  My goal is one year.  I lost a lot of weight before, I can do it again.  I just need the will power.

All the clothes I don't fit into anymore

Still trying to hide everything from people.  It's getting harder.  I have so much work to do and I'm so tired, it would be nice to have an excuse to cut back to three projects at a time instead of five.  But I'm not saying anything.  Not yet.  

My plan for dealing with pregnancy constipation seemed to work.  While I'm not back to normal, I'm not backed up either.  I'm going to stick with limiting the cheese and having more fruits and veggies and water.  I think I can cut back to one colase a day now until I start to have a BM every other day... 

Bump Diaries 1.8

After reading about all the horrible things in beauty products and how they can effect the baby, I got rid of all my lotion, face soap and hair stuff.  We hit up the organic food store and I spent an hour reading labels and picking out new products.  I like the shampoo and conditioner so far, LOVE the new deodorant and lotion and I'm not thrilled with the face soap.  I know that my face needs salicylic acid to stay under control and I can no longer use that.  I guess only time will tell if this new organic stuff is better.  I know its better for the environment, but I need it to perform like my old products.

I also started a cocoa butter routine for my belly.  I remember that my mom used it while she was pregnant with me and she didn't get any stretch marks.  Stretch marks are genetic, but every little bit helps.

Still nauseous.  Still exhausted.  Still craving Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell and BLTs.  The guy at the Taco Bell drive thru knows my order now.  I really want to tell him I'm pregnant so he doesn't judge me.  Lol.

For the first couple weeks of being pregnant, food didn't taste right.  It didn't taste bad, but it didn't taste like my brain remembered.  Except cheese.  Cheese still tasted the same, so I ate a lot of that.  Then, I ended up constipated.  Which totally freaked me out because I had no idea how to deal with that while pregnant.  I went to the boards on BabyCenter.com and read what other moms-to-be were doing and settled on this plan:

 1. No more cheese!
2.  More fruits and veggies.  Specifically apples and grapes to help move stuff along.
3. Drink more water!
4. Two colace a day
5.  Cut back on bread and doughy stuff

Bump Diaries 1.7

So, I had this really great post written about this week then I lost it some how.  This post is not as good as the one I lost.  Blogspot is always giving me problems...

After spending all of Christmas break in Michigan anxious about whether or not I was actually pregnant, the day finally came for the ultrasound.  I was really nervous.  I had a morning appointment and Kevin was still on break from work so he could come.  They got us back into the room pretty quickly.  The US tech was nice and gave me the lovely paper gown that makes you look fabulous to change into and left.  After I was changed and on the table, she came in.  I told her why we were there.  My heart was racing.  This was the moment of truth.  Was I really pregnant?  Were our dreams finally coming true?  She had me lie back as she prepped the equipment.  I tried to get my heart rate under control and calm down, but it was useless.  This could go one of two ways and I would know as soon as she looked at the monitor.  I would see it in her face, I just knew it.  She got everything ready, put the probe in place and started looking at the screen.  I held Kevin's hand.  Then, she flipped on the big screen TV on the wall and said "there's your baby!"

I burst into tears.  My heart was racing so fast.  Kevin was smiling so big.  He always had faith.  There was our little bean.  I was really and truly pregnant.  She pointed out the heart, that was already beating at 166 bpm.  She started looking at other things, making sure every thing was in order.  She took some measurements and gave us a new due date of August 14.  I was 7.5 weeks along.  I asked about the cist that they had seen in ER and she said it looked normal.  Then she printed out some pictures for us and we were on our way to meet with the insurance lady to discuss the rest of my prenatal care.  I have to say I didn't really hear a lot of what was said.  I was still thinking about what I had seen on the screen.  My baby.  I was going to be a mom.  At last, it was my turn.

We went to lunch right after.  I kept taking the pictures out of my purse to look at them.  I had to spend the rest of the day with this huge secret at work.  I was still in shock that I was pregnant.  Our journey had begun. 

Bump Diaries 1.6

Despite all the doom and gloom we had been hearing from various doctors and nurses, Kevin remained optimistic.  If he had any doubts about whether I was really pregnant or not, he didn't share them with me. Instead, every time I asked he told me he knew this was it.  We were going to have a baby.  It made me feel a lot better. 

I started getting nauseous in week 6.  It was a drastic change from waking up STARVING in week 5.  And I mean starving.  Like that pain you get when you put off eating too long.  It was waking me up.  That had never happened before...  But I still didn't think it meant that I was successfully pregnant.  The nausea has been consistent though.  I don't throw up, which doesn't surprise me since I don't throw up ever, pregnant or not.  It's more of a gagging.  It became kind of hard to hide at work, but I think I managed pretty well. 

Then the exhaustion set in.  It was difficult for me to get up in the morning and I was falling asleep on the couch by 6:30 in the evening.  And sleeping was becoming difficult due to the fact that I was getting up to pee at night an average of 8 times.  While all of these signs would have told a normal women that she was indeed pregnant, I still remained doubtful.  I was protecting myself.  I didn't want to get my hopes up. 

But Kevin's were already sky high...

I managed to make it though a 22 hr road trip up to MI for Christmas and didn't tell anyone.  My friend Tiona even rubbed her baby bump on me for "baby dust" and I didn't say anything.  I ate like it was my job too.  I don't remember ever eating that much before.  And it had to be BLTs.  I don't know how many I had, but they were my favorite.  Maybe I really was pregnant...

Bump Diaries 1.5

The first pregnancy test I took was from the dollar store.  Now, being a scientist, I know that all urine pregnancy tests work pretty much the same way.  And I also know that it doesn't cost that much to make one and that the name-brand tests use the same stuff but just cost more.  But that didn't stop me from going to Walmart and buying a name brand test just to check.  Hey, I could have gotten a freaky weird one from that dollar store that gives a positive no matter what.  It could happen.

I got the Clearblue digital one.  I didn't mean to get the digital kind, and I kinda wondered why it was so pricey, but this was no time to be stingy.  I needed answers.  And with the digital read out, there was no room for analyst interpretation.  It says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".  Right to the point.  I like that.

Well.  Can't argue with that.


Later that week, I started having really bad cramping.  Full on, starting my period cramping.  This sent me into another panic thinking I was losing the baby already.  I called my OBGYN to see if she could get me in sooner, but because I was a new patient, I had to wait until the scheduled appointment.  The insensitive nurse on the phone told me to go to the ER if I was that concerned about it.  So I went to the ER.  I have never been to the ER myself before.  I didn't like it.  They got me to a bed pretty quickly and talking to a nurse, so I thought it would be out in a decent time.  Not so much.  When the doctor heard the situation, she ordered an ultrasound.  Yes!  I was going to get answers!  The US tech came pretty quickly.  First time in a wheel chair.  Didn't like that either, but I know hospital procedure.  The US took some time.  The lady was very thorough and nice.  She even showed us what she saw and explained somethings to us even though she really wasn't supposed to.  In my uterus was a yolk sac with no fetal pole yet.  She estimated that I was about 5.5 weeks pregnant.  I also had (what I considered a large) cist in my right ovary.  That concerned me, but she said it was "unremarkable".  Hmmm...

I was hooked up to an IV and blood was drawn.  I also had to take a urine test.  This confirmed I was pregnant and that I also had a UTI.  Awesome.  But it might account for the cramping I was feeling.  They checked my hormone levels too.  That combined with the start of what I thought was my last period (October) and the ultrasound pic, gave the doctor a doomsday message for me.  I was not as far along with baby development as my hormone level indicated.  I was sent home with an antibiotic and a feeling that history was about to repeat itself.

The ER doctor gave me a copy of all the information she collected so I could give it to my OBGYN at my appointment.  With those papers, Kevin immediately went to Google.  He started pulling up hormone charts and fetal development.  He concluded that I was right on schedule with both the hCG level and the ultrasound pic.  He said that it was just an ER doctor and we would get the real answers at my lady doctor appointment.  This made me feel a little better and I was able to make it the next two days to the appointment. 

Kevin came with me.  I ended up seeing a midwife.  I was a little nervous about that but I really liked her.  She answered all my questions honestly but with comfort.  She said based on my October period and that I should be farther along in baby development.  So, who was right?  The ultrasound picture that said I was 5.5 weeks along or my October period that said I was 12 weeks?  She scheduled another ultrasound to check viability and see what was really going on in there.  The only problem, it would be after we came back from MI for Christmas.  I would have to spend my whole vacation wondering...

Bump Diaries 1.4

Here they are!  The long awaited stories from the very begining of my pregnancy journey.  Thanks for waiting. :)

Since I waited for so long to get pregnant, and since I am so very excited, I thought it would be fun to keep a journal of the whole process.  I write in a journal regularly, but I found when I got pregnant, the information out there was all over the place and nothing was really what I was experiencing.  So, I hope that this makes some moms-to-be out there a little less nervous, afraid, anxious, whatever.  Hey, we ladies have to stick together, right?!

Cheers and here's to the next 40 amazing weeks!

(Oh, and that number after the title, that's the date.  It goes trimester.week of pregnancy)

(And this is going to be a lot of TMI.  So if you don't want to know what women go though while pregnant, don't read this).

12/8/13

I found out I was pregnant around 4 weeks into it.  We had just come back from Key West (December 8).  And I mean just come back.  I had two drinks while we were on the island (confession time).  I totally didn't think there was any chance that I was pregnant.  I have an app on my phone where I keep track of my period and I am pretty good at recording when I start each month.  I thought I had started in November since I had my normal spotting for three days at the right time.  This usually means I'm going to start any day.  But then it went away.  Completely.  I never really started a period that month.  Now, you might be saying "she should have known something was up right then".  But my period is effected by a lot of different things.  If I'm on an antibiotic, that can throw me off.  If I'm really stressed about something, that can cause me to skip a month altogether.  I skipped July because of the new job and moving details... I was really stressed at work for a while and I just thought that was what was going on.  But something kept nagging at me.  I'm a molecular biologist so that voice in my head keep saying "you should start collecting data because you don't have a concrete answer".  Always a scientist.  So Sunday morning, while Kevin was watching TV, I got out of bed, grabbed one of the pregnancy tests I had and took it. 

My dollar store pregnancy test was positive (feel free to laugh about the dollar store part).  And I freaked out.  I mean full on, shaking, hyperventilating, crying freaked out.  Not the normal reaction for a couple that was TTC, right?  I ran out of the bathroom with the test and pretty much collapsed on Kevin who heard me start to cry and was on his way to meet me.  You see, this is actually my second pregnancy.  In November 2012, I had a miscarriage.  2012 was the worst year for the Kendi Haus and getting pregnant was the one bright spot after a all the job, family and financial drama that seemed to plague us all year.  Going through (and living with) a miscarriage was without a doubt the worst experience I have ever survived.  I guess it just goes to show how strong women really are.  I was going to share the story of my miscarriage here on the blog, but ultimately decided that it was too personal.  It is something that will haunt me throughout this entire pregnancy and something I am still coming to terms with.  After you experience one miscarriage, it changes the way you experience pregnancy forever.  It takes away from the moment, all the moments, because you know that the worst can happen and what it feels like.  And nothing anyone will say or do will make you feel better.  You just need time.  A lot of it.  And understanding.

Instead of being excited, I was doubtful and afraid.  And guilty.  I knew there was a chance that I could be pregnant but, with the spotting in November, I convinced myself I wasn't and had two drinks in Key West.  I was already a bad mom and I was barely even pregnant.  Go me.   Kevin calmed me down and told me not to panic.  That this wasn't going to be like last year.  He said our luck had slowly been changing since we moved to Florida and that it was our turn for happiness.  I wanted desperately to believe him but that scientist voice in my head wouldn't let me.  I needed to see what was going on in there.  That was the only way that I would except that I was pregnant.  I had been fooled once before, I was not going to let it happen again.  I decided that I would start taking care of my self like I was pregnant, just in case, but I would wait for confirmation from my OBGYN.  I had an appointment before we left for Christmas break for my annual check-up.  Well, we were going to check a little bit more.  In the meantime, absolutely NO ONE was going to know that I was "pregnant".  I made that mistake before and I was not going to repeat it.

So the waiting game began...

13 Weeks

My first bump pic!  I tried to set up a cute theme for all the weeks but it didn't work out.  Our rental house in Florida hates me.  So, here's a bathroom selfie.  It's from February so I don't look like this any more.  This is when I felt like I was really starting to show.  :)

I'm wearing my favorite peasant top from Marshall's and my Old Navy Rockstar jeggings, so no maternity clothes yet!

Cheers!