Since I waited for so long to get pregnant, and since I am so very excited, I thought it would be fun to keep a journal of the whole process. I write in a journal regularly, but I found when I got pregnant, the information out there was all over the place and nothing was really what I was experiencing. So, I hope that this makes some moms-to-be out there a little less nervous, afraid, anxious, whatever. Hey, we ladies have to stick together, right?!
Cheers and here's to the next 40 amazing weeks!
(Oh, and that number after the title, that's the date. It goes trimester.week of pregnancy)
(And this is going to be a lot of TMI. So if you don't want to know what women go though while pregnant, don't read this).
12/8/13
I found out I was pregnant around 4 weeks into it. We had just come back from Key West (December 8). And I mean just come back. I had two drinks while we were on the island (confession time). I totally didn't think there was any chance that I was pregnant. I have an app on my phone where I keep track of my period and I am pretty good at recording when I start each month. I thought I had started in November since I had my normal spotting for three days at the right time. This usually means I'm going to start any day. But then it went away. Completely. I never really started a period that month. Now, you might be saying "she should have known something was up right then". But my period is effected by a lot of different things. If I'm on an antibiotic, that can throw me off. If I'm really stressed about something, that can cause me to skip a month altogether. I skipped July because of the new job and moving details... I was really stressed at work for a while and I just thought that was what was going on. But something kept nagging at me. I'm a molecular biologist so that voice in my head keep saying "you should start collecting data because you don't have a concrete answer". Always a scientist. So Sunday morning, while Kevin was watching TV, I got out of bed, grabbed one of the pregnancy tests I had and took it.
My dollar store pregnancy test was positive (feel free to laugh about the dollar store part). And I freaked out. I mean full on, shaking, hyperventilating, crying freaked out. Not the normal reaction for a couple that was TTC, right? I ran out of the bathroom with the test and pretty much collapsed on Kevin who heard me start to cry and was on his way to meet me. You see, this is actually my second pregnancy. In November 2012, I had a miscarriage. 2012 was the worst year for the Kendi Haus and getting pregnant was the one bright spot after a all the job, family and financial drama that seemed to plague us all year. Going through (and living with) a miscarriage was without a doubt the worst experience I have ever survived. I guess it just goes to show how strong women really are. I was going to share the story of my miscarriage here on the blog, but ultimately decided that it was too personal. It is something that will haunt me throughout this entire pregnancy and something I am still coming to terms with. After you experience one miscarriage, it changes the way you experience pregnancy forever. It takes away from the moment, all the moments, because you know that the worst can happen and what it feels like. And nothing anyone will say or do will make you feel better. You just need time. A lot of it. And understanding.
Instead of being excited, I was doubtful and afraid. And guilty. I knew there was a chance that I could be pregnant but, with the spotting in November, I convinced myself I wasn't and had two drinks in Key West. I was already a bad mom and I was barely even pregnant. Go me. Kevin calmed me down and told me not to panic. That this wasn't going to be like last year. He said our luck had slowly been changing since we moved to Florida and that it was our turn for happiness. I wanted desperately to believe him but that scientist voice in my head wouldn't let me. I needed to see what was going on in there. That was the only way that I would except that I was pregnant. I had been fooled once before, I was not going to let it happen again. I decided that I would start taking care of my self like I was pregnant, just in case, but I would wait for confirmation from my OBGYN. I had an appointment before we left for Christmas break for my annual check-up. Well, we were going to check a little bit more. In the meantime, absolutely NO ONE was going to know that I was "pregnant". I made that mistake before and I was not going to repeat it.
So the waiting game began...
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