Faux pas

My fingers are still slightly swollen.  Not sure if it's because of the c-section or heat any more.  Either way, I can't fit into my wedding rings yet, which really bothers me.  I cried when I had to take them off during pregnancy and I have anxiously been waiting to put them back on.  I like letting the world know I'm married.  So, I went to Target and bought a fake ring to wear in the mean time.  I decided to go with something completely different than my real ring (and it was the only one they had that fit).  I still like my rings better, but this will do until they fit again, hopefully soon...

Cheers!

Bump Diaries 2.21

So, we've known for a whole week that we're having a boy.  I've settled a little more into that fact.  We went shopping and I got a lot of cute boy clothes, mostly from Goodwill.  I don't see the point of spending a fortune on things they are only going to wear once...

I also got what I think will be my last big round of maternity clothes.  I've been doing pretty good with things I already have.  The clothes I saved have been a life saver.  I really only bought this last round to make me feel pretty.

I've started thinking about the nursery too.  I had all these great ideas for a girl, now I need to shift to something that will work for a boy.  I found a wooden rocking horse from Goodwill for $4.  When you rock it, it's legs move.  I'm going to paint it and put it on a shelf in his room.  I'm going with a vintage look, but now it will be less flowers and more other things.  

We've also started really discussing boy names.  We had two good ones we both really liked before we found out the gender.  Now, I'm not 100% sold on them.  I still like them, but I wonder if there is something better out there.  I also feel like I'll have to see him in order to know.

I feel lots of movement now.  Its strange but comforting, at least I know he's alive.  Sometimes they are really strong kicks that take my breath away.  Sometimes they are little flutters.   Our little man really moves around in the evening when I finally get to sit down after a day in the lab.

The heartburn is still in full force.  And I think I may be one of the lucky pregnant ladies to get hemorrhoids.  Now, I've never had hemorrhoids in my life, so I don't know what they feel like.  But I do know that you can get hemorrhoids while pregnant because of a combination of things beyond your control.  And something doesn't feel right down there.  So far, it's nothing problematic in any way, it would just be nice to not have ONE of the uncomfortable side effects from pregnancy.  Just one.

The other day, I ended up getting really sad about the fact that everyone we know is up in MI and we are alone in FL.  Once again, I feel cheated out of this experience because we live so far away.  I would like to talk to my mommy friends and get ideas and suggestions.  I would like to have my family at the hospital the day after to meet him.  It's scary to be going through this huge life changing event on your own.  I know that Kevin and I can do it, I just wish we didn't have to.  I know that everyone will make the trip down here to meet him as soon as they can.  I just wish it didn't have to be such an ordeal.

Bump Diaries 2.20

The big day!  I've waited 20 weeks to find out if the little bean is a boy or girl.  Longest wait ever.  I took most of the day off of work for it.  I wanted the day to be special and just me and Kevin.  He took the whole day.  He picked me up from work and got me some Twizzlers.  His co-worker said that sugar makes the baby move and we needed the little one moving so we would definitely know the sex.  I was really nervous when we got to the doctor's office for the ultrasound.  We had a little bit of a wait, but not too bad.  I got on the table and she started moving the wand around my belly and showing us the baby.  She pointed out the head and face, then she measured the brain and showed us the kidneys (which we couldn't really see).  She moved on to look at the heart and checked the abdomen.  Then she asked us if we wanted to know the sex.  We both said yes so she moved to find out.  And it was VERY clear when she got there.  It's a boy.  And he wasn't shy about it at all.  I started to cry.  And Kevin took my hand.  I tried to hide the fact that I was disappointed.  I had such strong feelings that I was having a girl, I was sure that she was in there.  Any women who tells you she doesn't care what she's having is lying.  I think every mom has a small idea of what they what.  I'm not going to feel guilty about having gender disappointment either.  I really thought the universe had told me before the ultrasound it was a girl.  It's funny, I wanted boys until I got pregnant.  I wanted the chance to raise some gentlemen, something I feel the world is seriously lacking.  I get a boy, and I immediately get intimidated.  I don't know anything about boys.  They have parts I don't know how to take care of, they like different things.  How will I relate to a boy?  How will be bond?  I'm not super athletic, what if he is?  I like crafts and dancing and dressing up.  He might not like any of those things, which is ok.  He's going to be his own person.  He already has so much personality and he's not even born yet.  He was wiggling so much during the ultrasound, she had a hard time getting good pictures of him.  I softly cried the rest of the ultrasound as she continued checking and measuring everything.  I felt really guilty that I wasn't happy, but I just couldn't help it.  Then, just before she was finished, he flattened his hand right against the probe and waved at us.  My heart sank.  I was a horrible mom again.  Here was this little baby, so excited to be looked at, so ready to be loved and I was upset because it was a he instead of a she.  I started crying more.  He was healthy and strong, what every parent wishes for.  What was my problem?  I was a mess when we left the ultrasound.  I had a doctor's appointment too so I had to sit in the car and compose myself before we went to that.  Kevin tried to make me feel better but it didn't work.  I was just a sobbing, guilty, hot mess of emotions.  When we saw the midwife, she knew right away what the problem was.  She tried to make me feel better, but it didn't work.

 

On the way home, Kevin suggested that we go to Babies R Us and continue registering. We had only registered for a few things that weren't gender specific to get started.  Now, we could register for anything.  I thought it might help to pick things out for our little boy.  Shopping always makes me feel better.  We found some really cute boy clothes and I started to remember that I liked shopping for Kevin's clothes more than my own.  He said "you can shop the same way for the baby.  They just wear a smaller size."  It helped.  I started to get more excited about the little boy that I was going to meet.

 

I called my mom, dad and aunt to tell them the news when we got home.  My dad said that the little guy would play football and basketball but not wrestling, because it ruins your knees.  My uncle said he was ready to have a new hunting and fishing buddy.  My mom and aunt were excited for anything.  It all helped me get things in perspective. 

 

I'm sure that people will judge me for being disappointed.  Those people have either never been in the situation or are just lying to themselves.  I know there are other women out there who where disappointed one way or the other.  Deep down, everyone has a preference.  I also know that that disappointment is completely forgotten the second you see your baby for the first time.  I've been told that as well.  I know that will happen with me.

 

Fourth of July

When you're eight months pregnant, special occasions seem to mean something different.  Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays (right behind Christmas and Halloween).  I love fireworks and BBQs and since my birthday is four days later, I secretly think that all the fireworks are for me too.  Hey, sharing an almost birthday with the greatest nation on Earth isn't bad...

This was how I spent the fourth:

Soaking my giant cankle feet in a warm epsom salt bath.  Kevin forced me to do it and it really helped my feet.  I was doing one every time I felt my feet get tight.  So take note preggy ladies.  If your feet swell up, try this.  It doesn't work miracles, but it will make you feel better.

I did manage to go out to dinner with some coworkers.  I got some really good ribs, grilled shrimp, corn and watermelon.  It was like I was at a real picnic for the fourth.  No fireworks for me though.

Oh well.  Here's to celebrating next year with little man.  I can't wait to see his face for his first fireworks.  :)

Cheers!

Bump Diaries 2.19

This week was kinda boring.  I've had some bad headaches, which the books say is normal.  Seems like every new symptom for the week, I get.  I've also joined the heartburn club.  I've never had heartburn in my life, but Kevin has it all the time.  To be honest, I've never really had a lot of sympathy for it.  Mostly because I didn't really know what it felt like.  Well, I feel really bad for him if this is what he has to deal with all the time.  It sucks.  

We go in for an ultrasound next week to found out if it's a boy or girl.  The wait is killing me.  I want to buy clothes and little things that are gender specific.  There's not a lot of gender neutral stuff out there and I think I already registered for most of it.  I have these really strong feeling that it's a girl.  I'm dying to know if I'm right...

I think I might feel movement, but since I've never been pregnant before, I'm not really sure what a baby moving inside you is supposed to feel like.

30 Weeks

Well, it's the third trimester.  The honeymoon, if it could ever really be called that, is over.  I feel awkward and slow.  I can't move like I used to which is a bother to me.  And my feet are HUGE.  I hope I don't go up a size permanently like my mom did.  I really like all my shoes.  

Anyway. 

Found this dress in the clearance section of Target for $8.  Super soft.  I love a deal.

Cheers.

Bump Diaries: 2.18

This week was pretty emotional.  I got some good news and then, on the same day, I got some really sad/scary news.  The good news was that my test results from the quad screen came back negative, so yay!  One hurdle cleared.  I was finally in a somewhat good place.  Still nervous, but I decided that I was tired of being ruled by it.  So, when Kevin came home, we were going to finally put our beach picture announcement on Facebook, Instagram and this blog.  But before Kevin could get home, I received some news that put all of those plans on hold.  I got concerned all over again for our baby and was afraid to say anything for fear of having to have to tell the worst.  So, we waited.  Again.  But after a couple days, I decided that I had every right to be excited about my baby and my good news.  And a coworker of mine told me that the baby can feel everything, so I wanted to make sure that our baby felt how much we already loved it, how I prayed to have it and how truly excited I was to be it's mom.  So, we decided to do the big announcement in stages.  The first was here.  I absolutely love the picture that we took.  Kevin's photographer coworker tweaked it for us and I love how it turned out.  It's simple and says a lot about us right now. 

I still feel aches and pains every day, which always makes me worry, but I try not to let it get out of control.  There is no hiding my bump now.  It sticks out more in some clothes than others.  If I have to conceal it, I can.  I use cocoa butter every day.  I sleep on eight pillows at night and I still can't get comfortable.  I know it's only going to get worse from here on out.  Kevin looks at my belly more and more now.  And he even rubs it and says hi to the baby.  It calms me down. 

I am tracking down more and more inexpensive maternity clothes.  The trick that I was using to keep my old pants up hurts my belly now and I don't have tops long enough to cover the open zipper.  And they just weren't flattering any more which isn't good for your pregnant self confidence.  

Bump Diaries 2.17

The first day of my 17th week I went back to the doctor.  They did a blood draw for some chromosome screenings.  It's probably the scariest visit so far.  Its not like I don't worry about things pretty much every day.  I guess this is better because at least its some answers.  But the wait is going to kill me.  I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again.  Holding at 160bpm.   I think it's a girl.  :)  But if it's a boy, we have two great names ready to go.  I also made my next doctors appointment which will be the ultrasound that tells us the sex.  I am so excited.  It will be hard to wait.

I also got my first pair of maternity jeans.  I really needed a pair of pants.  I was down to three pair of normal jeans and a pair of leggings.  And the jeans were always falling off my butt.  I found a pair of cute jeans from Burlington for $19.  I'm hoping that they will last a good chunk of my pregnancy.

I've had different types of aches and pains for the last few days.  The doctor told me it seemed normal.  That my uterus and body are stretching to make room for the growing baby.  I was told to pay attention for any cramping that felt like menstrual cramps or pain that didn't go away or was progressive.  I'm still not sure what all that means.  The best way to explain the pain I feel is like I was running to much and got a stitch in my side.  It doesn't last for more than a couple seconds and it switches from side to side.  I don't get nauseous any more unless I wait too long to eat or get up set.  I'm trying to not get upset by stuff, but that's like changing my whole personality.  It's a process.  I've also hit the gas-y part of my pregnancy, which adds another variable to the pains I feel.  

I received a package from Dad and Nancy this week.  They filled it with a bunch of baby stuff.  Some things I registered for and some things they just got me cuz they liked it.  It was a really sweet package.  They even managed to tracked down the train I used to have as a baby that went on my crib from ebay.  It made me cry.  I don't have a lot from when I was little, but I do remember that train, a barking dog that my Grampa Jablonski got me, some ceramic book ends and Le Mutt (which I have in my bedroom now and will move to the nursery when it is finished).  I'm pretty sure I saved the dog and book ends, I just need to find them...  I have this feeling that they are dying to buy more baby stuff, they are just waiting to find out what I'm having.  Dad keeps asking me, "when do you find out"  and "is it time yet?"  

I went to Miami for a night too.  My friend Lo was in town for work so I thought it would be cool to visit her for the night.  The trip didn't go at all liked I planned but it was interesting to see the city and visit with Lo.  She's the first friend to see my bump, which is unmistakable now.

Since my belly really started to show this week, I have become more excited.  I still struggle with clothes, I don't think I'm at the stage where you can wear tight things and show off an obvious bump, but I'm getting close.

The last day of week 17 I got my quad screen results back.  All negative.  Which is good.  I thought this would make me feel finally relaxed, but it doesn't.  I do feel a little better, and I think I am finally ready to go Facebook public with this, but I don't think I will relax until I see the baby again in an ultrasound. 

Bump Diaries 2.16

I'm happy to say that my 16th week of being pregnant, I seem to be getting the hang of it.  On the first day, I received a package from my aunt that contained two children's books.  The Little Golden book is perfect for our little Florida water baby.  It also captures the look for the nursery I have been dreaming up.  It is really easy to fall into the whole "beach look" when you live on the coast.  I mean, it's not like I have to look far for a ton of decorations.  But, while I like that whole look, I feel it's a cop out for our nursery.  And I'm also not a big fan of themed nurseries.  I like the themes that people come up with, don't get me wrong, it's just not the look I ever imagined for our baby.  

I tried that belly band again and it was, again, a huge fail.  I'm so glad that I didn't buy the expensive one.  Not sure what I will do with it now, but I'm creative so we'll see.

I finally broke down and made my first big maternity clothes purchase from Old Navy.  They had a sale going on and they offered an extra 35% off to card holders.  I have a list in my head of maternity clothes I will definitely need to make it through this pregnancy, so I started checking them off.  I got some simple tees for layering and work, two casual dresses I think will be great to live in as the temperature gets warmer, and a dress I might wear to a baby shower.  I also "splurged" and got a pretty top I'm sure I won't be able to wear after the pregnancy and a nautical tank, cuz, you know, it's Florida.  :)  Now I just need some jeans, another pair of leggings and two tank tops and I'm done.  I also might get a really pretty dress for taking professional maternity pics.  I already know what I want them to look like (thank you Pinterest).

More people at work are slowly finding out.  I'm still not sure how my boss feels about everything yet, but so far, things in the lab have been business as usual.  I guess only time will tell.  I am trying to have faith that everything will work out for us.  After all, God waited until now to give us a baby.  There must be a plan.

My mom bought and sent us a crib.  I was shocked when I got home on Friday and it was sitting on the front porch.  Kinda soon for a crib but at least it's the one we registered for.  

I'm feeling lots of pinches and cramps everyday.  They all seem to be in a different place.  They don't last very long, but they wear me down.  I don't sleep very well too.  It's hard for me to get comfortable.  I think I will have to break down and buy one of those support pillows.  I tried to make one with pillows I have, but it just doesn't work.  I'm trying to train my self to be a side sleeper because I know I am running out of time for sleeping on my back, but every night I wake up looking at the ceiling.  I'm getting a little worried about it...

Still using the cocoa butter every day on my belly, which is really sticking out now.  I'm trying to eat healthy, but it's hard with my schedule.  I can't eat in the lab so I have to keep wrapped snakes in my drawer.  That limits me to granola bars and crackers.  Sometimes, I get a piece of fruit in there.  Lunches are good though.  we've been pretty good about bringing our lunches to work.  I just get paranoid that I'm not heating the leftovers up enough in the microwave.

Finally got a chance to tell my friends Kiki and Lo about being pregnant.  They were the last two people I wanted to tell in person.  Lo has chosen to call the fetus Pearl, which I like and wish I thought of.  Adding that to Doughnut, which is what my BFF Kimmy calls it, this kid is already on it's way to having as many nicknames as their mama.  

All in all, I am getting more relaxed and excited every day.  I still worry about things, pretty much every day, but I am trying not to let that take away from this experience.  

It's a process.        

Bump Diaries 2.15

After the very hectic week 14, I was hoping to have things calm down.  Since my weeks of pregnancy change close to the weekend, I was hoping to get a good belly pic finally.  I have one pic so far at 13 weeks, but I took it in the bathroom at work.  Since I have been very slowly feeling better, I was hoping to go out somewhere pretty and get my shot.  We decided to go to a park that was pretty close to our house.  The nature trail went through what looked liked a jungle.  It was pretty cool.  I think we got a nice picture, but to be honest, I just look fat in it.  I'm still wearing my "fat" clothes as maternity clothes.  I think once I start to wear things that actually show off my bump, I'll look cuter.  I am getting more excited about things now.  I am looking at more maternity sites and getting ideas for a nursery.  I found some cute prints to order that fit my theme.

They say that this is the part of pregnancy that you look the best.  Your hair is supposed to get thicker and shinier.  Your skin "glows".  I don't feel any of that.  My skin looks dull and broken out.  I am trying to find SOMETHING that I can use to get it under control.  I don't think my hair feels any thicker but I think it might be a little shinier.  Nothing drastic though.  I'm hoping that this nice part of pregnancy kicks in for me soon.  I have felt more energy.  I don't fall asleep at 6:30 any more when I get home.  I get little aches and pains almost everyday, but nothing that lasts for more than a minute.  I feel like my body is tight and trying to stretch.  I worry constantly if the baby is okay.  Am I eating the right stuff?  Did I over exert myself at work and hurt the baby?  Did I get too stressed out or angry about something and do something to the baby?  I think that's the biggest thing for me to control.  I am a very emotional and passionate person.  I feel almost all emotions deeply.  I can't seem to turn it off.  And pregnancy hasn't helped that.  I feel guilty immediately after.  This is going to be my biggest struggle as I continue this pregnancy.

Bump Diaries 2.14

2/13/14
Officially in my second trimester!  They say this is when things start to feel better.  The nausea goes away, you have more energy, you glow, etc.  I don't feel that.  Any of it.  I'm still nauseous but not as often and I still have some tenderness in my boobs.  And sleeping is getting more difficult each night.  I hope that things will start to look up for me, but I guess if they don't, that's ok too.

We decided to tell our parents the day after our heartbeat appointment.  I still didn't want to but Kevin said he couldn't wait any longer.  And maybe it would help me not worry so much if I could see how happy everyone else was.  The thing about keeping a big secret for so long is, you get used to it.  I kinda liked having this information that no one else knew.  It was fun to talk to my friends about all these other people having babies being the only one knowing I was three months pregnant.  A part of me didn't want to share the news.  I was terrified of the possibility of having to have the conversation of something bad happening to the baby with my family.  If I didn't tell them I was pregnant, then I didn't have to tell them that I wasn't any more.  But it wasn't fair to Kevin who had waited patiently for the sound of a heartbeat to be able to tell our parents.  So I went first.  And started with my mom.  It didn't go like I wanted.  She didn't really act surprised and said "I kinda figured you were".  I was hurt that there wasn't immediate excitement when I told her.  It was like when I told her I got engaged and she was on painkillers for a root canal and didn't remember our conversation.  Needless to say, I was bummed.  She did cry, though, when I called her busia (polish for grandma) and that made me feel a little better.  Then I called my dad.  It took me longer to come out and say it and it wasn't any better than when I told my mom.  My dad started clearing his throat, a lot, and said that he had to go.  I asked if he was happy and he said he was surprised and a little scared.  That he felt the same way he did when my mom told him she was pregnant.  It was a short conversation after that.  Again, not what I was expecting or hoping for.  I tried my aunt next but she didn't answer so I told Kevin to call his parents.  When he FINALLY got around to telling them, it was more of the same lack of excitement.  At this point I was done.  I started crying and said that I wished we hadn't said anything.  That the next baby they would find out about when it got here.  Needless to say, it was a rough night.

2/14/14
Valentine's Day.  I had a great gift for Kevin.  I found a plain white frame and wrote "I love you already, Daddy!" on the bottom and put one of the ultrasound pictures in it.  I thought it would be nice for him to have it on his desk and brag.  He is so happy and Daddys-to-be don't usually get a lot of attention.  And he got chocolate of course.  We also told the people we worked with today.  My team reacted with more of the same "excitement" that I had gotten with our families.  Plus, I think they were secretly mad about it.  The surprise that people seem to be having with our news is puzzling to me.  I am 32 years old and have been married for almost 4 years.  I've been ready for a baby for two years.  And we have been "trying" for two years.  The shock/ surprise people claim seems like they have not been paying attention.  But, it was out in the open now.  Only a few more people to tell then we could go Facebook public with our news.

2/15/14
While Kevin was visiting his parents in Fort Meyers, I took my first steps into maternity clothing.  I went to Burlington Coat Factory to see if I could find some jeans to wear.  I am currently down to about four pairs that I can still wear and I have two pairs of leggings.  I tried on a pair of skinny jeans and looked in the mirror.  They looked nice.  They "fit".  But I just stared.  How are maternity pants supposed to fit anyway?

2/16/14
We went to the beach today to take the picture I want to use to announce my pregnancy.  It took a while to set everything up in the sand.  The  waves were fighting me.  I think we ended up getting a good shot to use.  People had to ask questions every time they passed.  Nosy.  Kevin's photography coworker thinks that we can edit the pic to make it work for us.  

2/19/14
I tried the BellyBand today.  Not sure I did it right.  I wore it under a white tank.  I didn't like how you could see it under the tank so clearly so I folded it over.  Then it was too tight on my belly.  It didn't really keep my pants up any better than my hair tie trick.  I ended up taking it off in the middle of the lab.  Lol.  

Bump Diaries 1.13

02/09/14
Still nauseous.  Still exhausted.  Bad skin, bad hair.  And now I can add fat to the list.  I look six months pregnant when I'm really only three.  I don't think I should be showing this soon, which leads me to believe that I have over eaten trying to keep my nausea under control.  So, I'd have to say that my "bump" is 80% over indulgence and 20% actual pregnancy.  Which doesn't put me in the best mood.  At first I was so excited to dress a baby bump.  I had so many ideas.  I saved clothes from my 20 lbs weight loss the summer of 2012 in the hopes of using them for a pregnancy and saving money. Now I'm just depressed.  We tried to take my first bump picture today.  That was a disaster.  The house we currently rent sucks on so many levels and the latest one is lighting.  We don't get any.  Natural or artificial.  It's due to the few windows we have, their placement, the angle of the house and the fact that there is NO overhead lighting in the house.  It really blows.  Most of my pregnancy will be in this house and it has now cheated me out of the fun belly pics I was looking forward to.  Not that I would look good in them anyway.  This organic shampoo does nothing for my hair.  It is stringy and limp and flat.  And I have no idea how to cut it.  I really don't know how to do anything with it.  It just sucks.  I want to be able to document this process to look back on but I don't think that will happen.  I'm afraid this will continue when the baby comes too.  I take a lot of pics of Kevin and I feel his life will be remembered.  And they are good pics too.  I can't say the same for me.  When my memory starts to go, I want to be able to look back at pictures.  So where will mine be?  Kevin doesn't take any of me, and the few he does manage to take I look like poop in.  It sucks.  I guess I've reached that downer part of pregnancy.  I hope that my appointment this week will be better. 

02/10/14
I  took my first bump pic today at work in the bathroom.  It's not fabulous by any means, but I liked the shirt that I wore and I liked my hair.  I hope that I will figure out better bump pics in the future.

02/11/14
Appointment day!  Finally.  There was so much drama at work due to a late sample that I think I was almost outed myself about being pregnant.  Instead, I got to teach the other girl that I work with that it's not my job to always be the one to stay late.  I'm looking forward to her reaction when I finally tell my team that I'm pregnant...

It was a quick appointment today.  I got to see the midwife that I like.  I am thinking that I would like her to deliver our little bean when the time comes.  My appointment pretty much when like this:  pee in the cup, get weighed, blood pressure, go into the room and wait.  When the midwife came in, she asked me how I was feeling.  I told her good, that nothing had really changed.  I asked if there was something I could do about my horrible skin and she recommended Neutragena products.  Then she said "we got a lot of info from you from your first visit, so this one will be kinda boring. "  I was kinda disappointed.  I had waited so long for this appointment and I needed some sign that the baby was ok.  Then she said, "but we'll listen for the heartbeat and that's exciting".  Ok.  Here we go.  The moment I had been waiting for.  We saw a heartbeat of 166 bpm at 7.5 weeks.  What would be there today?  She went on to do the whole don't-get-nervous-if-I-don't-find-it-right-away speal.  I was already nervous, nothing was going to change that.  She pushed my shirt up, squirted some gel on my tummy and took the Doppler wand and started moving around.  I heard what sounded like riding in my Jeep on the freeway with the windows out.  Really loud, but not significant.  Then a few seconds later, there it was.  My baby's heartbeat.  The little one was still there, and going strong at 160 bpm.  I asked why it had slowed down and she told me that it would slow down even more as I got more pregnant.  Nothing to worry about.  Kevin was smiling so big.  I...am not sure what I felt.  I thought that I would cry, but I didn't.  Instead, the pesky scientist in me kicked in and I was fascinated.  A heartbeat that isn't mine inside my body?  Strange.  I started thinking about all the other strange things that were probably happening in my body that I couldn't see.  Kevin was kinda disappointed that I wasn't more excited, but I was in my own way.  I'm still really nervous about losing this baby.  Not sure when that will go away, but I hope it's soon.  I've chosen to have the quad screening done for possible genetic diseases.  This will happen at my next appointment.  I think if that test goes well, then I may be able to relax.  I spent almost a year testing people for various genetic disorders so I am well aware of all the things that are out there.  

I left the doctor's office feeling relieved about the heartbeat, but nervous about the next step.  I think this is how it's going to be until this little bean comes out. 

Bump Diaries 1.12

Made it to twelve weeks.  They say that if you get this far the chances of miscarriage decrease greatly.  I'm glad to have reached 12 weeks, but I'm not in that joyful pregnancy stage yet.  I'm still very worried about things.  Normally, you would go into your OBGYN and get your first ultrasound around 12 weeks.  Since I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks, they pushed my next appointment back.  I'll be going in again at almost 14 weeks.  The wait is killing me.  I want to know what's going on in there so badly.  I feel that if I can just hear the heartbeat, it will be proof that everything is going well and I can finally relax.  I'm kinda irritated that I'm not on the typical schedule for pregnant ladies.  I don't see why I have to wait longer just because I had an ultrasound earlier than most women.  

While this is usually the time when it is "safe" to start telling people, I'm still not ready to say anything.  I have told Kevin that we can tell our family and friends after we hear the heartbeat.  I hope we both can make it til then...

Bump Diaries 1.11

I found my maternity bin!!!  I am so excited.  It was like getting a whole new wardrobe...for free!  I'm so glad that I have borderline hoarding tendencies and saved my "fat clothes".  I've had a belly for as long as I can remember and over the years I've gotten pretty good at working with it.  But when we lost all that weight the summer of 2012, I lost most of my belly.  My clothes became more fitted instead of the flowing, hippie stuff I always used to wear.  You see, I'm very boho at heart.  ;)  The clothes I put aside for a possible pregnancy were things I still liked to wear, they just no longer flattered my smaller size.  But they would totally work for a growing baby bump.  When I was going through my closet to get rid of the unflattering clothes, I tested each piece for maternity by stuffing a pillow under it.  The strategy seemed to work because everything I put aside looks really cute with my tiny bump now, and most of it will work for a few more months too.  I'll get to be the stylish prego lady I always wanted to be and I'll save money.  Doesn't get any better than that!

Symptoms pretty much that same as they have been.  Getting kinda nervous/ excited about being able to tell people soon.

Bump Diaries 1.10

It's probably a little early, and I may be tempting fate, but we started a baby registry at Babies R Us this week.  The main reason I did it was because of a promotion with the registry,  Babies R Us was giving 10% of the purchases off the registry up to $200.  You get a gift card after the baby is born.  If you know me, you know I can't pass up a deal.  So, even though I thought it was too early to register, we did it anyway.  Hey, the deal expired on Jan. 31.  I had to get it on it now.  

We walked the store with the pricing gun.  But it was not like when we registered for our wedding.  We kinda just wondered around with these blank expressions on our faces.  I looked at stuff, but it took a little time for me to tell Kevin to scan something.  I had done some research before we got into the store on strollers and car seats, so we were able to play with my top two choices and see if they would work for us.  I also picked some bottles, a lounger and some first aid/ grooming supplies.  So far, our registry is kinda boring.  But if you're like me and judge people based on their registries, than go to town.  We're listed under Kevin and Amanda Schwemmin.

Still feeling nauseous and tired.  Getting dressed is becoming harder.  And I am very anxious to get to my next doctors appointment, where we will hear the heartbeat.

Bump Diaries 1.9

Still nauseous and exhausted.  Starting to think that might just be how this pregnancy is going to go.  It's becoming more difficult to find a good position to sleep in.  I'm surrounded by pillows because my boobs hurt so much.  Still craving Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell but trying to control it.   Went through all my clothes and packed away anything that didn't fit.  I'm having trouble fitting into my pants.  I have to do that trick with the hair tie around the button to keep them up.  Thought about getting a Belly Band but I just don't know.  Anyway.  I packed all my pre-pregnancy clothes away to make room for all the maternity things I have.  If I can track down the bin I put them in...

I put some clothes to the side to consign but I hope to one day fit in to most of the things again.  My goal is one year.  I lost a lot of weight before, I can do it again.  I just need the will power.

All the clothes I don't fit into anymore

Still trying to hide everything from people.  It's getting harder.  I have so much work to do and I'm so tired, it would be nice to have an excuse to cut back to three projects at a time instead of five.  But I'm not saying anything.  Not yet.  

My plan for dealing with pregnancy constipation seemed to work.  While I'm not back to normal, I'm not backed up either.  I'm going to stick with limiting the cheese and having more fruits and veggies and water.  I think I can cut back to one colase a day now until I start to have a BM every other day... 

Bump Diaries 1.8

After reading about all the horrible things in beauty products and how they can effect the baby, I got rid of all my lotion, face soap and hair stuff.  We hit up the organic food store and I spent an hour reading labels and picking out new products.  I like the shampoo and conditioner so far, LOVE the new deodorant and lotion and I'm not thrilled with the face soap.  I know that my face needs salicylic acid to stay under control and I can no longer use that.  I guess only time will tell if this new organic stuff is better.  I know its better for the environment, but I need it to perform like my old products.

I also started a cocoa butter routine for my belly.  I remember that my mom used it while she was pregnant with me and she didn't get any stretch marks.  Stretch marks are genetic, but every little bit helps.

Still nauseous.  Still exhausted.  Still craving Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell and BLTs.  The guy at the Taco Bell drive thru knows my order now.  I really want to tell him I'm pregnant so he doesn't judge me.  Lol.

For the first couple weeks of being pregnant, food didn't taste right.  It didn't taste bad, but it didn't taste like my brain remembered.  Except cheese.  Cheese still tasted the same, so I ate a lot of that.  Then, I ended up constipated.  Which totally freaked me out because I had no idea how to deal with that while pregnant.  I went to the boards on BabyCenter.com and read what other moms-to-be were doing and settled on this plan:

 1. No more cheese!
2.  More fruits and veggies.  Specifically apples and grapes to help move stuff along.
3. Drink more water!
4. Two colace a day
5.  Cut back on bread and doughy stuff

Bump Diaries 1.7

So, I had this really great post written about this week then I lost it some how.  This post is not as good as the one I lost.  Blogspot is always giving me problems...

After spending all of Christmas break in Michigan anxious about whether or not I was actually pregnant, the day finally came for the ultrasound.  I was really nervous.  I had a morning appointment and Kevin was still on break from work so he could come.  They got us back into the room pretty quickly.  The US tech was nice and gave me the lovely paper gown that makes you look fabulous to change into and left.  After I was changed and on the table, she came in.  I told her why we were there.  My heart was racing.  This was the moment of truth.  Was I really pregnant?  Were our dreams finally coming true?  She had me lie back as she prepped the equipment.  I tried to get my heart rate under control and calm down, but it was useless.  This could go one of two ways and I would know as soon as she looked at the monitor.  I would see it in her face, I just knew it.  She got everything ready, put the probe in place and started looking at the screen.  I held Kevin's hand.  Then, she flipped on the big screen TV on the wall and said "there's your baby!"

I burst into tears.  My heart was racing so fast.  Kevin was smiling so big.  He always had faith.  There was our little bean.  I was really and truly pregnant.  She pointed out the heart, that was already beating at 166 bpm.  She started looking at other things, making sure every thing was in order.  She took some measurements and gave us a new due date of August 14.  I was 7.5 weeks along.  I asked about the cist that they had seen in ER and she said it looked normal.  Then she printed out some pictures for us and we were on our way to meet with the insurance lady to discuss the rest of my prenatal care.  I have to say I didn't really hear a lot of what was said.  I was still thinking about what I had seen on the screen.  My baby.  I was going to be a mom.  At last, it was my turn.

We went to lunch right after.  I kept taking the pictures out of my purse to look at them.  I had to spend the rest of the day with this huge secret at work.  I was still in shock that I was pregnant.  Our journey had begun. 

Bump Diaries 1.6

Despite all the doom and gloom we had been hearing from various doctors and nurses, Kevin remained optimistic.  If he had any doubts about whether I was really pregnant or not, he didn't share them with me. Instead, every time I asked he told me he knew this was it.  We were going to have a baby.  It made me feel a lot better. 

I started getting nauseous in week 6.  It was a drastic change from waking up STARVING in week 5.  And I mean starving.  Like that pain you get when you put off eating too long.  It was waking me up.  That had never happened before...  But I still didn't think it meant that I was successfully pregnant.  The nausea has been consistent though.  I don't throw up, which doesn't surprise me since I don't throw up ever, pregnant or not.  It's more of a gagging.  It became kind of hard to hide at work, but I think I managed pretty well. 

Then the exhaustion set in.  It was difficult for me to get up in the morning and I was falling asleep on the couch by 6:30 in the evening.  And sleeping was becoming difficult due to the fact that I was getting up to pee at night an average of 8 times.  While all of these signs would have told a normal women that she was indeed pregnant, I still remained doubtful.  I was protecting myself.  I didn't want to get my hopes up. 

But Kevin's were already sky high...

I managed to make it though a 22 hr road trip up to MI for Christmas and didn't tell anyone.  My friend Tiona even rubbed her baby bump on me for "baby dust" and I didn't say anything.  I ate like it was my job too.  I don't remember ever eating that much before.  And it had to be BLTs.  I don't know how many I had, but they were my favorite.  Maybe I really was pregnant...

Bump Diaries 1.5

The first pregnancy test I took was from the dollar store.  Now, being a scientist, I know that all urine pregnancy tests work pretty much the same way.  And I also know that it doesn't cost that much to make one and that the name-brand tests use the same stuff but just cost more.  But that didn't stop me from going to Walmart and buying a name brand test just to check.  Hey, I could have gotten a freaky weird one from that dollar store that gives a positive no matter what.  It could happen.

I got the Clearblue digital one.  I didn't mean to get the digital kind, and I kinda wondered why it was so pricey, but this was no time to be stingy.  I needed answers.  And with the digital read out, there was no room for analyst interpretation.  It says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".  Right to the point.  I like that.

Well.  Can't argue with that.


Later that week, I started having really bad cramping.  Full on, starting my period cramping.  This sent me into another panic thinking I was losing the baby already.  I called my OBGYN to see if she could get me in sooner, but because I was a new patient, I had to wait until the scheduled appointment.  The insensitive nurse on the phone told me to go to the ER if I was that concerned about it.  So I went to the ER.  I have never been to the ER myself before.  I didn't like it.  They got me to a bed pretty quickly and talking to a nurse, so I thought it would be out in a decent time.  Not so much.  When the doctor heard the situation, she ordered an ultrasound.  Yes!  I was going to get answers!  The US tech came pretty quickly.  First time in a wheel chair.  Didn't like that either, but I know hospital procedure.  The US took some time.  The lady was very thorough and nice.  She even showed us what she saw and explained somethings to us even though she really wasn't supposed to.  In my uterus was a yolk sac with no fetal pole yet.  She estimated that I was about 5.5 weeks pregnant.  I also had (what I considered a large) cist in my right ovary.  That concerned me, but she said it was "unremarkable".  Hmmm...

I was hooked up to an IV and blood was drawn.  I also had to take a urine test.  This confirmed I was pregnant and that I also had a UTI.  Awesome.  But it might account for the cramping I was feeling.  They checked my hormone levels too.  That combined with the start of what I thought was my last period (October) and the ultrasound pic, gave the doctor a doomsday message for me.  I was not as far along with baby development as my hormone level indicated.  I was sent home with an antibiotic and a feeling that history was about to repeat itself.

The ER doctor gave me a copy of all the information she collected so I could give it to my OBGYN at my appointment.  With those papers, Kevin immediately went to Google.  He started pulling up hormone charts and fetal development.  He concluded that I was right on schedule with both the hCG level and the ultrasound pic.  He said that it was just an ER doctor and we would get the real answers at my lady doctor appointment.  This made me feel a little better and I was able to make it the next two days to the appointment. 

Kevin came with me.  I ended up seeing a midwife.  I was a little nervous about that but I really liked her.  She answered all my questions honestly but with comfort.  She said based on my October period and that I should be farther along in baby development.  So, who was right?  The ultrasound picture that said I was 5.5 weeks along or my October period that said I was 12 weeks?  She scheduled another ultrasound to check viability and see what was really going on in there.  The only problem, it would be after we came back from MI for Christmas.  I would have to spend my whole vacation wondering...