Bump Diaries 2.21

So, we've known for a whole week that we're having a boy.  I've settled a little more into that fact.  We went shopping and I got a lot of cute boy clothes, mostly from Goodwill.  I don't see the point of spending a fortune on things they are only going to wear once...

I also got what I think will be my last big round of maternity clothes.  I've been doing pretty good with things I already have.  The clothes I saved have been a life saver.  I really only bought this last round to make me feel pretty.

I've started thinking about the nursery too.  I had all these great ideas for a girl, now I need to shift to something that will work for a boy.  I found a wooden rocking horse from Goodwill for $4.  When you rock it, it's legs move.  I'm going to paint it and put it on a shelf in his room.  I'm going with a vintage look, but now it will be less flowers and more other things.  

We've also started really discussing boy names.  We had two good ones we both really liked before we found out the gender.  Now, I'm not 100% sold on them.  I still like them, but I wonder if there is something better out there.  I also feel like I'll have to see him in order to know.

I feel lots of movement now.  Its strange but comforting, at least I know he's alive.  Sometimes they are really strong kicks that take my breath away.  Sometimes they are little flutters.   Our little man really moves around in the evening when I finally get to sit down after a day in the lab.

The heartburn is still in full force.  And I think I may be one of the lucky pregnant ladies to get hemorrhoids.  Now, I've never had hemorrhoids in my life, so I don't know what they feel like.  But I do know that you can get hemorrhoids while pregnant because of a combination of things beyond your control.  And something doesn't feel right down there.  So far, it's nothing problematic in any way, it would just be nice to not have ONE of the uncomfortable side effects from pregnancy.  Just one.

The other day, I ended up getting really sad about the fact that everyone we know is up in MI and we are alone in FL.  Once again, I feel cheated out of this experience because we live so far away.  I would like to talk to my mommy friends and get ideas and suggestions.  I would like to have my family at the hospital the day after to meet him.  It's scary to be going through this huge life changing event on your own.  I know that Kevin and I can do it, I just wish we didn't have to.  I know that everyone will make the trip down here to meet him as soon as they can.  I just wish it didn't have to be such an ordeal.

Bump Diaries 2.20

The big day!  I've waited 20 weeks to find out if the little bean is a boy or girl.  Longest wait ever.  I took most of the day off of work for it.  I wanted the day to be special and just me and Kevin.  He took the whole day.  He picked me up from work and got me some Twizzlers.  His co-worker said that sugar makes the baby move and we needed the little one moving so we would definitely know the sex.  I was really nervous when we got to the doctor's office for the ultrasound.  We had a little bit of a wait, but not too bad.  I got on the table and she started moving the wand around my belly and showing us the baby.  She pointed out the head and face, then she measured the brain and showed us the kidneys (which we couldn't really see).  She moved on to look at the heart and checked the abdomen.  Then she asked us if we wanted to know the sex.  We both said yes so she moved to find out.  And it was VERY clear when she got there.  It's a boy.  And he wasn't shy about it at all.  I started to cry.  And Kevin took my hand.  I tried to hide the fact that I was disappointed.  I had such strong feelings that I was having a girl, I was sure that she was in there.  Any women who tells you she doesn't care what she's having is lying.  I think every mom has a small idea of what they what.  I'm not going to feel guilty about having gender disappointment either.  I really thought the universe had told me before the ultrasound it was a girl.  It's funny, I wanted boys until I got pregnant.  I wanted the chance to raise some gentlemen, something I feel the world is seriously lacking.  I get a boy, and I immediately get intimidated.  I don't know anything about boys.  They have parts I don't know how to take care of, they like different things.  How will I relate to a boy?  How will be bond?  I'm not super athletic, what if he is?  I like crafts and dancing and dressing up.  He might not like any of those things, which is ok.  He's going to be his own person.  He already has so much personality and he's not even born yet.  He was wiggling so much during the ultrasound, she had a hard time getting good pictures of him.  I softly cried the rest of the ultrasound as she continued checking and measuring everything.  I felt really guilty that I wasn't happy, but I just couldn't help it.  Then, just before she was finished, he flattened his hand right against the probe and waved at us.  My heart sank.  I was a horrible mom again.  Here was this little baby, so excited to be looked at, so ready to be loved and I was upset because it was a he instead of a she.  I started crying more.  He was healthy and strong, what every parent wishes for.  What was my problem?  I was a mess when we left the ultrasound.  I had a doctor's appointment too so I had to sit in the car and compose myself before we went to that.  Kevin tried to make me feel better but it didn't work.  I was just a sobbing, guilty, hot mess of emotions.  When we saw the midwife, she knew right away what the problem was.  She tried to make me feel better, but it didn't work.

 

On the way home, Kevin suggested that we go to Babies R Us and continue registering. We had only registered for a few things that weren't gender specific to get started.  Now, we could register for anything.  I thought it might help to pick things out for our little boy.  Shopping always makes me feel better.  We found some really cute boy clothes and I started to remember that I liked shopping for Kevin's clothes more than my own.  He said "you can shop the same way for the baby.  They just wear a smaller size."  It helped.  I started to get more excited about the little boy that I was going to meet.

 

I called my mom, dad and aunt to tell them the news when we got home.  My dad said that the little guy would play football and basketball but not wrestling, because it ruins your knees.  My uncle said he was ready to have a new hunting and fishing buddy.  My mom and aunt were excited for anything.  It all helped me get things in perspective. 

 

I'm sure that people will judge me for being disappointed.  Those people have either never been in the situation or are just lying to themselves.  I know there are other women out there who where disappointed one way or the other.  Deep down, everyone has a preference.  I also know that that disappointment is completely forgotten the second you see your baby for the first time.  I've been told that as well.  I know that will happen with me.

 

Bump Diaries 2.19

This week was kinda boring.  I've had some bad headaches, which the books say is normal.  Seems like every new symptom for the week, I get.  I've also joined the heartburn club.  I've never had heartburn in my life, but Kevin has it all the time.  To be honest, I've never really had a lot of sympathy for it.  Mostly because I didn't really know what it felt like.  Well, I feel really bad for him if this is what he has to deal with all the time.  It sucks.  

We go in for an ultrasound next week to found out if it's a boy or girl.  The wait is killing me.  I want to buy clothes and little things that are gender specific.  There's not a lot of gender neutral stuff out there and I think I already registered for most of it.  I have these really strong feeling that it's a girl.  I'm dying to know if I'm right...

I think I might feel movement, but since I've never been pregnant before, I'm not really sure what a baby moving inside you is supposed to feel like.

Bump Diaries: 2.18

This week was pretty emotional.  I got some good news and then, on the same day, I got some really sad/scary news.  The good news was that my test results from the quad screen came back negative, so yay!  One hurdle cleared.  I was finally in a somewhat good place.  Still nervous, but I decided that I was tired of being ruled by it.  So, when Kevin came home, we were going to finally put our beach picture announcement on Facebook, Instagram and this blog.  But before Kevin could get home, I received some news that put all of those plans on hold.  I got concerned all over again for our baby and was afraid to say anything for fear of having to have to tell the worst.  So, we waited.  Again.  But after a couple days, I decided that I had every right to be excited about my baby and my good news.  And a coworker of mine told me that the baby can feel everything, so I wanted to make sure that our baby felt how much we already loved it, how I prayed to have it and how truly excited I was to be it's mom.  So, we decided to do the big announcement in stages.  The first was here.  I absolutely love the picture that we took.  Kevin's photographer coworker tweaked it for us and I love how it turned out.  It's simple and says a lot about us right now. 

I still feel aches and pains every day, which always makes me worry, but I try not to let it get out of control.  There is no hiding my bump now.  It sticks out more in some clothes than others.  If I have to conceal it, I can.  I use cocoa butter every day.  I sleep on eight pillows at night and I still can't get comfortable.  I know it's only going to get worse from here on out.  Kevin looks at my belly more and more now.  And he even rubs it and says hi to the baby.  It calms me down. 

I am tracking down more and more inexpensive maternity clothes.  The trick that I was using to keep my old pants up hurts my belly now and I don't have tops long enough to cover the open zipper.  And they just weren't flattering any more which isn't good for your pregnant self confidence.  

Bump Diaries 2.17

The first day of my 17th week I went back to the doctor.  They did a blood draw for some chromosome screenings.  It's probably the scariest visit so far.  Its not like I don't worry about things pretty much every day.  I guess this is better because at least its some answers.  But the wait is going to kill me.  I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again.  Holding at 160bpm.   I think it's a girl.  :)  But if it's a boy, we have two great names ready to go.  I also made my next doctors appointment which will be the ultrasound that tells us the sex.  I am so excited.  It will be hard to wait.

I also got my first pair of maternity jeans.  I really needed a pair of pants.  I was down to three pair of normal jeans and a pair of leggings.  And the jeans were always falling off my butt.  I found a pair of cute jeans from Burlington for $19.  I'm hoping that they will last a good chunk of my pregnancy.

I've had different types of aches and pains for the last few days.  The doctor told me it seemed normal.  That my uterus and body are stretching to make room for the growing baby.  I was told to pay attention for any cramping that felt like menstrual cramps or pain that didn't go away or was progressive.  I'm still not sure what all that means.  The best way to explain the pain I feel is like I was running to much and got a stitch in my side.  It doesn't last for more than a couple seconds and it switches from side to side.  I don't get nauseous any more unless I wait too long to eat or get up set.  I'm trying to not get upset by stuff, but that's like changing my whole personality.  It's a process.  I've also hit the gas-y part of my pregnancy, which adds another variable to the pains I feel.  

I received a package from Dad and Nancy this week.  They filled it with a bunch of baby stuff.  Some things I registered for and some things they just got me cuz they liked it.  It was a really sweet package.  They even managed to tracked down the train I used to have as a baby that went on my crib from ebay.  It made me cry.  I don't have a lot from when I was little, but I do remember that train, a barking dog that my Grampa Jablonski got me, some ceramic book ends and Le Mutt (which I have in my bedroom now and will move to the nursery when it is finished).  I'm pretty sure I saved the dog and book ends, I just need to find them...  I have this feeling that they are dying to buy more baby stuff, they are just waiting to find out what I'm having.  Dad keeps asking me, "when do you find out"  and "is it time yet?"  

I went to Miami for a night too.  My friend Lo was in town for work so I thought it would be cool to visit her for the night.  The trip didn't go at all liked I planned but it was interesting to see the city and visit with Lo.  She's the first friend to see my bump, which is unmistakable now.

Since my belly really started to show this week, I have become more excited.  I still struggle with clothes, I don't think I'm at the stage where you can wear tight things and show off an obvious bump, but I'm getting close.

The last day of week 17 I got my quad screen results back.  All negative.  Which is good.  I thought this would make me feel finally relaxed, but it doesn't.  I do feel a little better, and I think I am finally ready to go Facebook public with this, but I don't think I will relax until I see the baby again in an ultrasound. 

Bump Diaries 2.16

I'm happy to say that my 16th week of being pregnant, I seem to be getting the hang of it.  On the first day, I received a package from my aunt that contained two children's books.  The Little Golden book is perfect for our little Florida water baby.  It also captures the look for the nursery I have been dreaming up.  It is really easy to fall into the whole "beach look" when you live on the coast.  I mean, it's not like I have to look far for a ton of decorations.  But, while I like that whole look, I feel it's a cop out for our nursery.  And I'm also not a big fan of themed nurseries.  I like the themes that people come up with, don't get me wrong, it's just not the look I ever imagined for our baby.  

I tried that belly band again and it was, again, a huge fail.  I'm so glad that I didn't buy the expensive one.  Not sure what I will do with it now, but I'm creative so we'll see.

I finally broke down and made my first big maternity clothes purchase from Old Navy.  They had a sale going on and they offered an extra 35% off to card holders.  I have a list in my head of maternity clothes I will definitely need to make it through this pregnancy, so I started checking them off.  I got some simple tees for layering and work, two casual dresses I think will be great to live in as the temperature gets warmer, and a dress I might wear to a baby shower.  I also "splurged" and got a pretty top I'm sure I won't be able to wear after the pregnancy and a nautical tank, cuz, you know, it's Florida.  :)  Now I just need some jeans, another pair of leggings and two tank tops and I'm done.  I also might get a really pretty dress for taking professional maternity pics.  I already know what I want them to look like (thank you Pinterest).

More people at work are slowly finding out.  I'm still not sure how my boss feels about everything yet, but so far, things in the lab have been business as usual.  I guess only time will tell.  I am trying to have faith that everything will work out for us.  After all, God waited until now to give us a baby.  There must be a plan.

My mom bought and sent us a crib.  I was shocked when I got home on Friday and it was sitting on the front porch.  Kinda soon for a crib but at least it's the one we registered for.  

I'm feeling lots of pinches and cramps everyday.  They all seem to be in a different place.  They don't last very long, but they wear me down.  I don't sleep very well too.  It's hard for me to get comfortable.  I think I will have to break down and buy one of those support pillows.  I tried to make one with pillows I have, but it just doesn't work.  I'm trying to train my self to be a side sleeper because I know I am running out of time for sleeping on my back, but every night I wake up looking at the ceiling.  I'm getting a little worried about it...

Still using the cocoa butter every day on my belly, which is really sticking out now.  I'm trying to eat healthy, but it's hard with my schedule.  I can't eat in the lab so I have to keep wrapped snakes in my drawer.  That limits me to granola bars and crackers.  Sometimes, I get a piece of fruit in there.  Lunches are good though.  we've been pretty good about bringing our lunches to work.  I just get paranoid that I'm not heating the leftovers up enough in the microwave.

Finally got a chance to tell my friends Kiki and Lo about being pregnant.  They were the last two people I wanted to tell in person.  Lo has chosen to call the fetus Pearl, which I like and wish I thought of.  Adding that to Doughnut, which is what my BFF Kimmy calls it, this kid is already on it's way to having as many nicknames as their mama.  

All in all, I am getting more relaxed and excited every day.  I still worry about things, pretty much every day, but I am trying not to let that take away from this experience.  

It's a process.        

Bump Diaries 2.15

After the very hectic week 14, I was hoping to have things calm down.  Since my weeks of pregnancy change close to the weekend, I was hoping to get a good belly pic finally.  I have one pic so far at 13 weeks, but I took it in the bathroom at work.  Since I have been very slowly feeling better, I was hoping to go out somewhere pretty and get my shot.  We decided to go to a park that was pretty close to our house.  The nature trail went through what looked liked a jungle.  It was pretty cool.  I think we got a nice picture, but to be honest, I just look fat in it.  I'm still wearing my "fat" clothes as maternity clothes.  I think once I start to wear things that actually show off my bump, I'll look cuter.  I am getting more excited about things now.  I am looking at more maternity sites and getting ideas for a nursery.  I found some cute prints to order that fit my theme.

They say that this is the part of pregnancy that you look the best.  Your hair is supposed to get thicker and shinier.  Your skin "glows".  I don't feel any of that.  My skin looks dull and broken out.  I am trying to find SOMETHING that I can use to get it under control.  I don't think my hair feels any thicker but I think it might be a little shinier.  Nothing drastic though.  I'm hoping that this nice part of pregnancy kicks in for me soon.  I have felt more energy.  I don't fall asleep at 6:30 any more when I get home.  I get little aches and pains almost everyday, but nothing that lasts for more than a minute.  I feel like my body is tight and trying to stretch.  I worry constantly if the baby is okay.  Am I eating the right stuff?  Did I over exert myself at work and hurt the baby?  Did I get too stressed out or angry about something and do something to the baby?  I think that's the biggest thing for me to control.  I am a very emotional and passionate person.  I feel almost all emotions deeply.  I can't seem to turn it off.  And pregnancy hasn't helped that.  I feel guilty immediately after.  This is going to be my biggest struggle as I continue this pregnancy.

Bump Diaries 2.14

2/13/14
Officially in my second trimester!  They say this is when things start to feel better.  The nausea goes away, you have more energy, you glow, etc.  I don't feel that.  Any of it.  I'm still nauseous but not as often and I still have some tenderness in my boobs.  And sleeping is getting more difficult each night.  I hope that things will start to look up for me, but I guess if they don't, that's ok too.

We decided to tell our parents the day after our heartbeat appointment.  I still didn't want to but Kevin said he couldn't wait any longer.  And maybe it would help me not worry so much if I could see how happy everyone else was.  The thing about keeping a big secret for so long is, you get used to it.  I kinda liked having this information that no one else knew.  It was fun to talk to my friends about all these other people having babies being the only one knowing I was three months pregnant.  A part of me didn't want to share the news.  I was terrified of the possibility of having to have the conversation of something bad happening to the baby with my family.  If I didn't tell them I was pregnant, then I didn't have to tell them that I wasn't any more.  But it wasn't fair to Kevin who had waited patiently for the sound of a heartbeat to be able to tell our parents.  So I went first.  And started with my mom.  It didn't go like I wanted.  She didn't really act surprised and said "I kinda figured you were".  I was hurt that there wasn't immediate excitement when I told her.  It was like when I told her I got engaged and she was on painkillers for a root canal and didn't remember our conversation.  Needless to say, I was bummed.  She did cry, though, when I called her busia (polish for grandma) and that made me feel a little better.  Then I called my dad.  It took me longer to come out and say it and it wasn't any better than when I told my mom.  My dad started clearing his throat, a lot, and said that he had to go.  I asked if he was happy and he said he was surprised and a little scared.  That he felt the same way he did when my mom told him she was pregnant.  It was a short conversation after that.  Again, not what I was expecting or hoping for.  I tried my aunt next but she didn't answer so I told Kevin to call his parents.  When he FINALLY got around to telling them, it was more of the same lack of excitement.  At this point I was done.  I started crying and said that I wished we hadn't said anything.  That the next baby they would find out about when it got here.  Needless to say, it was a rough night.

2/14/14
Valentine's Day.  I had a great gift for Kevin.  I found a plain white frame and wrote "I love you already, Daddy!" on the bottom and put one of the ultrasound pictures in it.  I thought it would be nice for him to have it on his desk and brag.  He is so happy and Daddys-to-be don't usually get a lot of attention.  And he got chocolate of course.  We also told the people we worked with today.  My team reacted with more of the same "excitement" that I had gotten with our families.  Plus, I think they were secretly mad about it.  The surprise that people seem to be having with our news is puzzling to me.  I am 32 years old and have been married for almost 4 years.  I've been ready for a baby for two years.  And we have been "trying" for two years.  The shock/ surprise people claim seems like they have not been paying attention.  But, it was out in the open now.  Only a few more people to tell then we could go Facebook public with our news.

2/15/14
While Kevin was visiting his parents in Fort Meyers, I took my first steps into maternity clothing.  I went to Burlington Coat Factory to see if I could find some jeans to wear.  I am currently down to about four pairs that I can still wear and I have two pairs of leggings.  I tried on a pair of skinny jeans and looked in the mirror.  They looked nice.  They "fit".  But I just stared.  How are maternity pants supposed to fit anyway?

2/16/14
We went to the beach today to take the picture I want to use to announce my pregnancy.  It took a while to set everything up in the sand.  The  waves were fighting me.  I think we ended up getting a good shot to use.  People had to ask questions every time they passed.  Nosy.  Kevin's photography coworker thinks that we can edit the pic to make it work for us.  

2/19/14
I tried the BellyBand today.  Not sure I did it right.  I wore it under a white tank.  I didn't like how you could see it under the tank so clearly so I folded it over.  Then it was too tight on my belly.  It didn't really keep my pants up any better than my hair tie trick.  I ended up taking it off in the middle of the lab.  Lol.  

23 Weeks

Finally!  A current bump pic!  :)  I guess the theme of my bump pics is "bathroom selfie".  Lol.  Here I am at 23 weeks, which is right now.  I felt pretty good here.  I'm in the swing of being pregnant and I think my bump is really cute.  I'm getting away with wearing both maternity clothes and regular clothes.  The big clothes I put aside from summer 2012 work really well right now.  And I've managed to find non-maternity clothes that fit my bump now and will camouflage baby weight later.  So, I'm in a good place. 

I'm wearing a new, non-maternity top from TJ Maxx ($20) and maternity skinny jeans from Ross ($19).

Cheers!

Boy or Girl?

20 Weeks

Another bathroom selfie.  I just didn't get into the whole "bump pic" thing.  I try to snap one when I feel like I look good.  Since that hasn't happened a lot so far in this pregnancy, I take the picture where ever I am when I feel like I look pretty.  So here's 20 weeks.  This was taken 2 days before we found out what we were having.

I'm wearing my $9 non-maternity maxi dress from Ross (mentioned here).  I think it might be my favorite preggie outfit so far...

Cheers!